It's a GIRL!

I am so happy to announce that we are having a girl! I had thought the baby was a girl for the whole pregnancy, but I wasn't sure if I just hoped it was, or that I had some sort of "mother's sense". :) We've decided on the name Anna Katelyn, and we plan to call her Anna Kate. We've already adopted the nickname AOK, because that will be her monogram.

I am feeling Anna Kate pretty regularly now- a few times a day. The movements are still too small for Chris to be able to feel them, so I'm hoping as she gets bigger he will be able to feel it too. It's so amazing- every time I feel them I stop whatever I'm doing and just focus on it. It might be a little hard once I start teaching to just pause in the middle of a lesson, but hopefully by then it won't be so new feeling. ;)

I am feeling so well! I truly haven't been sick at all, I feel strong and healthy, and everything is progressing so well. I was most happy to find out that Anna Kate is healthy and everything is forming as it should. At the ultrasound, the doctor said that her brain has developed like it should, and he can say that there is no chance she has spina bifida, based on how her brain looks. This is what my brother has, and my sister and I have a slightly higher chance of having a child born with spina bifida, since it's in our genes. I am so relieved that everything looks good, and maybe the extra amounts of folic acid I've been taking made the difference!

With Thanksgiving yesterday, there is so much to be thankful for this year. Not only do I have a wonderful family and friends, who have been here for me so far all along, but Chris and I are making our own family FINALLY! I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Chris paid me a compliment the other day- my Dad was asking me if I'm feeling well throughout the pregnancy, and I said that I really hadn't had any problems. Chris said that he thinks that since I've dealt with so much during and after the surgery, I have a higher tolerance for things going wrong, so I am able to adapt to the pregnancy well, and the side effects that I have felt. I've felt like a hypochondriac in the past before, so this was nice to hear that he thinks I'm handling things well.

We are at the beach this weekend, for Chris and his Dad to fish and use the boat for the last time before winterizing it. In the car on the way down, Chris looked over at me and said, "I'm so glad you're my wife". We truly feel blessed to have each other, and that just touched my heart. I feel since we've had so much time in our marriage to be together just the two of us, that this will strengthen our parenting and being on the same page with issues that come up.

Take care everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving! :)

I'M PREGNANT!!!

The last blog I wrote was so hard, because I had found out on Friday morning, August 20th, exactly 1 year from my surgery, that I WAS PREGNANT!!!! I had maybe suspected that this might be the case from a few symptoms I had been feeling, so Chris and I agreed to take the test that Friday, so it would be a special date to remember, for more than one reason. :) My parents were in town that week, and Chris told them the night before that I might be pregnant (which we'd thought oh so many times before) and that if they got a call from us really early the next morning, that would be why.

On Friday morning, I woke up a little earlier than normal to use the bathroom, around 5:35 or so. I had laid the pregnancy test on the counter, the night before, so I remembered that I was supposed to take the test with my first urine. As I sat there, I recalled a dream I had just woken up from, where I found out I was pregnant. I watched the test, and it immediately showed two little blue lines in the correct circles. I shook my head in disbelief, and went to check the box. Sure enough, this test said I was pregnant! I took out another test from under the sink, a different brand, and tried that one too. This one was pink, and showed a positive test as well. With tears in my eyes, I went to wake up Chris, and told him the awesome news. He sprang out of bed, and came to view the evidence. We stood in the bathroom and hugged, and I cried, for about 5 minutes, checking the tests over and over again. Then the calling began. :)

Since we had been waiting so long for this, everyone had told us that they wanted to be called the moment we found out. We called my parents, and no one answered. We tried Chris's parents, and again got the machine. (It was around 6:00a.m. at this point!) My parents called us back, and we shared the happy news. They were ecstatic!! Then we tried Chris's parents again, and they were ecstatic too! What wonderful news that has been so long in the waiting. After that we called our sisters, grandparents, and other family members and close friends. I could not believe it was true, and I kept going back to check the tests over and over that morning.

At school that day, it was track out day, and it was all I could do to stop myself from grinning ear to ear. Luckily, I'm a pretty happy person normally, so no one suspected anything was up. ;) I called and made my doctor's appt, thinking they would want to confirm the pregnancy, but they said they just wanted to see me at my 9 week point. On that Friday, I was about 5 weeks in.

Chris and I kept texting and calling each other all day and our moms did too! ;) We were able to celebrate in person with everyone that night, since my parents were in town, and then I tracked out, so at least I would be able to keep the secret for a little while without too much trouble.

Since I found out, I have been feeling really good for my first trimester. I have some breast tenderness and feel sleepy a lot, but I haven't had any morning sickness. I've been walking more, and my food intake continues to be good and normal. I had my yearly appt. with my surgeon, and he was happy with the news. I got my bloodwork back, and everything looks phenominal! My blood pressure, cholesterol, and trigycerides are all so low, and all of my vitamin levels are great.

This is obviously the right time in our lives for me to get pregnant. I'm the healthiest I've been in my whole adult life. I'm due April 20th, which is perfect as far as school goes. I'll take about 6 weeks of sick leave, and have a 3 week track out in between, and then I can start the new year with a new class. I do plan on going back to work once the baby is born, but it will be nice to be home for a few months first. And...I'll be pregnant mainly in the winter, which will be nice as far as weather and feeling hot goes. :)

So...I did not take any new photos at the one year mark, because now I'm gaining. My lowest loss is basically still the last photo I took, where I think I had lost around 85 lbs. I am looking to gain a healthy weight with this pregnancy, and luckily, I can't really overeat anyway, since my stomach is still pretty small.

I am definitely going to find out the sex of the baby, which will be at about the end of November. We've picked out some names, but don't have any firm choices yet. I think I want to do a bee theme for the nursery, for a boy or a girl. I found some cute patterns that would work for both.

So...I just wanted to share our thrilling news with you! Attached is my first ultrasound from my appt. today. We could see the heartbeat, and the doctor said everything looked normal. I fell in love at first sight. It was so cool to see this tiny baby inside me. We've been nicknaming the baby by whatever fruit the books say it's about the size of. At 7 weeks, we called it "blueb" for blueberry, 8 weeks was "Razz" for raspberry, and now it's "olive". :) I am at 9 weeks and 3 days, which is where I measured I would be based on my last period.

We look forward to taking you along this new journey with us--pregnancy!! I couldn't be happier to be here now. Love to you all!

One Year Anniversary

What an emotional past few days this has been for me, in a good way. :) I meant to post on Friday, and then I didn't have time to take 1 year pictures yet since I tracked out and my parents are in town, etc. but I decided to go ahead and post anyway...and know that the pictures will come sometime this week.

I am at a wonderful point in my journey, which will of course continue even though I've reached the year mark. I see my doctor and psychologist on August 30th, and when I go to the group session, I can't wait to share what a great year I've had. I just went through some of the past entries before writing this post, and I want to go back this week and re-read all of the posts from the beginning as well. It's amazing to think it's already been 1 year. I feel very comfortable in my new skin and SO HAPPY with all of the results. I have developed eating habits that I can continue with for the rest of my life. Thinking about where I was before the surgery, how I felt physically and emotionally, compared to what I feel now is nothing short of amazing. You're probably going to get sick of how many times I say this...but the surgery truly has changed my life!!

I'm certainly not perfect--I still eat things sometimes that I probably shouldn't, don't get enough exercise, and I would still like to lose more weight. But, even if I stay right where I am for a while, I would be perfectly content. I no longer am putting major pressure on myself to be at a certain "size" that I feel I should be at. Things feel "right" as I am now, and that gives me such a feeling of peace and contentment.

I am doing wonderfully with the amount of water I drink, the portions I eat (rarely, if ever feeling sick afterwards), the vitamins/pills, the energy I have, the way I look, how I feel "cold" and need a sweater in the middle of a hot carolina summer, etc. :) Those positives completely outweigh any negatives I could possibly feel.

So...stay tuned for my year picture update this week. I am at about an 86 lb. loss, and I hover between 172-175 lbs. I did lose the 70% of the excess weight, which is what the doctors say is 'the average' post surgery. I still look to lose more in the future, but I am very content at this point. How wonderful that is to say and more importantly, feel. :)

Thanks to everyone for following along this journey with me, which is still not over. I will continue to post as new events pop up, and good things come our way. Love to you all!

Summer is here!

WOW--long time, no post! There have been a few times that I've thought of posting in the last few months, and then I'd get side tracked and forget. Life has been good. In reading my last post, my feelings have done a complete 180 since then. Thank you all for your positive comments from that blog, and the support everyone continues to show me. (Spencer just brought me my slippers without asking--he's adorable!) I am down about 90 pounds now, and I'm just happy as a clam, enjoying being the size I am. Yes, I'd like to lose more, but I decided that I am not going to stress and just enjoy what I've lost so far. Chris and I have our photo shoot today, which he bought me for my birthday. I can't wait to put some new professional pictures on the walls!

Eating has been going well. I am doing well with my choices, and I feel I've found a good routine. Exercise has been lacking lately, so I need to get back into that. I know that is the one thing that will really make the scale move again. My goal now is to lose 100 pounds by my one year appt. at the end of August. I know I can do it!

So...nothing ground breaking has been going on, which is why I haven't posted. Thank you to everyone for all of the ways you continue to support me since the surgery! :):):) Now Chris and I are going to teach Spencer how to get refills on our coffee. ;)

To post or not to post...that is the question

Ok...here we go. You may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while. I have been struggling with what to write, because I'm not really sure what I'm feeling about things at this point. I have days where I'm positive, days where I'm discouraged, and days where I'm somewhere in between. On my positive days, I didn't really want to blog because I knew I had been struggling and I didn't just want to paint a rosy picture like nothing was wrong. On my discouraged days, I didn't want to post because I thought if I told people what I've been struggling with, everyone would try and offer advice and suggestions, and frankly I didn't want to hear anyone's advice. Today is one of those so-so days, so maybe I can communicate my feelings in a way that is more neutral.

On my discouraged days, I am upset that the scale hasn't really moved in a month, and I haven't lost that much total in the last few months. I berate myself for grazing in between meals, not exercising regularly like I should, having sweets, snacking on carbs versus protein...the list goes on and on. Chris has sometimes made comments to me like--"Are you hungry...should you be eating that? Do you need that ice cream? I just don't want to see you falling into old habits." I know he loves me and wants things to be successful for me after the surgery. I've heard so many stories where people have had gastric bypass and then gain a lot of their weight back. I've read Carnie Wilson's books, and saw an article recently where she had gained 50+ pounds back after her pregnancies, etc, and she hasn't lost back to her post surgery weight. I'm realizing now more than ever the saying, "the surgery is a tool for weight loss, not a cure". There are many food habits I've had for 25 years and in 7 months after a weight loss surgery I can't expect that those things will be erased. Now is getting into the hard part--where I'm going to have to actually work to lose the next 40-50 pounds, whereas the first 85 pounds "seem" like they came off easier. Some people have made comments to me like, "How much more weight do you want to lose?--You look so great now that if you stayed like this, wouldn't you still be happy?" I am very happy about my weight loss so far, and still can't believe sometimes how much I've lost. But, I definitely want to lose more and get down to an "average" weight for my height.

On my positive days, I remember what I've come through to get to this point and give myself a break. The doctors have said that I will hit a plateau, so this is probably normal, what I'm experiencing. I am wearing 6 dress sizes less than I was, fit into clothing at all stores, can run for 25 minutes straight, etc. etc. etc. all of the things I've been celebrating for the past few months. I am eating WAY less calories than I used to, I'm eating more healthy--much less eating out and fast food, exercising more than I used to, eating more protein, smaller meals, not feeling sick, haven't had dumping syndrome...etc. On those days, I try to celebrate what I have come through, how I've changed so far, and notice all of the changes in my body that have occured. When Chris and I were talking this weekend, and I was mentioning things that I needed to change about my eating habits, we talked about how I hate to restrict myself--in a lot of areas, not just food. He said, luckily now when I make some changes to my diet, I can see real results quickly. I might lose 2 pounds by the end of the week, and that would be my lowest all time weight after the surgery. That is an encouraging thought, whereas before the surgery even losing 2 pounds seemed like nothing compared to what I still had to go.

So here I am--on a so-so day. Last week I made some goals for myself to follow--chart my food in "lose-it", only eat during mealtimes, exercise three times, and eat my protein first. I've been doing pretty well since I've done that, and lost 1.5 pounds. I cleaned out the pantry some of the foods I had allowed myself to buy, and hopefully without the temptation, snacking won't be an issue. I've only taken protein rich snacks to school like string cheese, yogurt, nuts, stuff like that, instead of crackers, 100 calorie packs, baked chips, etc. When I'm in a neutral day, I don't beat myself up, but I just realize what needs to be done and take steps to get it done.

Part of me didn't want to post about this because I like to put on a smile at school and out and about and be the positive person that everyone loves. I still feel that way, but I wanted everyone to know too that I do struggle and have times where I'm not perfect. I just paused when writing that last line because it really hits the nail on the head--I'm not perfect. I'm very hung up on how people perceive me, and I want to be seen as "with it", "together", "organized", and "in control". I believe I have strived to show those qualities in every other area of my life, because I never felt that way in regards to my weight. Throughout this journey so far, I have felt in control and like I had everything together with my weight loss. For the first time now since the surgery, I've realized that I'm going to have to work to keep seeing the successes I've had so far. It's hard for me to admit that I'm struggling, but I know that I do need the support from my family and friends to get through this phase post surgery, just as much as I did getting over the physical and mental parts of the surgery as well.

Thanks for walking along with me, even when I hit a bump. :)

85!!!

I hit the big 85 lb. mark this morning! That's like the size of one of one of my tallest boys in my class! :) Chris made some comparison photos today, since I hit that next milestone, and after I came home from shopping he surprised me with this cool video. (it plays music, in case you're at work :)



It is so cool to see the weight just melt off...



The comparison photo shows the changes that have happened, even since 77 pounds, which confirms the fact that I'm still losing inches despite the fact that the scale hasn't gone down much. Chris made a good point--when I first started losing weight, it was probably more of my muscles with a little bit of fat. Now, as I'm building my muscles through exercise, I'm mainly losing fat which is harder to come off. I went running 3 times last week, and Chris is back at it with me. Yesterday, we went for 20 minutes!! We had a 5 min warm up, 20 minutes of jogging, and a 5 minute cool down. What an accomplishment!! The next run tomorrow is back to being a little easier again. The program wants you to really push it, and then ease back a little. We've decided to do The Second Empire 5K on May 2nd. We're on the 6th week of couch to 5K, and once we finish the 9 weeks, we're going to start back at the beginning with the program, but instead of alternating walking/running, we're going to run the whole time and alternate our pace. Chris came up with that idea today, and I thought that sounded good. Not that I'm trying to become really fast necessarily, but it's good to have a program to follow and it keeps us motivated and focused.

My birthday is on Tuesday and I will be 32. As I've been thinking about my birthday last week and where I thought I'd be when I was 32, the thought of children has entered my mind. When I was younger and had just gotten married, I thought I'd have 2 kids by now. In all that I have gone through in this journey over the past 7 months, I am so glad that I will be healthy and ready physically to have kids once it happens. Going through the surgery and everything since then has been life changing, and I think it would have been totally different if I had kids to worry about. So, as I always tell myself, everything happens for a reason and it is obviously God's plan that I went through this first before having kids.

I bought a skirt today at Target in a size 12! It was a little snug, but I bought it knowing it should fit well soon. Well...lots of exciting things this week. :) Yay for spring!

Chugging Along...

I have been doing really well the past few weeks. I enjoyed my track out, just catching up on things, working on stuff at the house, and at the end I even enjoyed my time with Chris while he was recovering from his surgery. It was a much needed break, and I'm glad I had nowhere to go, and not much to do. Sometimes you just need that kind of track out. :) The weather has been beautiful and we're coming into my favorite season--Spring! I love the colors, the flowers blooming, starting to wear pastels and short sleave shirts, and decorating for Easter.

My total weight loss this morning is 84 pounds. So, on the scale I am still showing a bit of a plateau. My weight has been very up and down the past two weeks as I've been going through my cycle. It has been about 45 days since my last one, so despite being very irratic I'm glad it's happening! At my highest, I never really felt the effects of water weight with my cycle, but this time I definitely noticed it.

Even though the scale has been slightly moving, I've noticed so many other positive changes lately. I got my wedding rings resized to a 6.5 from a 9!!!!!! I could not believe that I was able to go that small...when the guy told me he thought that's what it would be I thought, seriously?? But he was right. I also got them soldered together, and it's such a nice feeling to actually have them fit, versus me being afraid they are going to fall off. I am now wearing a size 14, from a 24. I can't tell you how exciting it is to go into all regular stores and be able to fit into everything there. The best is when I take back a pair of pants in a 14 and 16, and the 16 is too big! The last time I wore a size 14 was in high school, my senior year, when I was first dating Chris. I pulled out my favorite St. Mary's sweatshirt, from the Undatettes club I was in. It's so cool to wear a shirt that has the years 94-95 on the back, and have it even be a little big. :) The other exciting clothes news is that I have bought two t-shirts in a size large!! Kelly, Tammy and I went to Sanitary Fish Market in Morehead City last weekend, and I wanted to get a new shirt since I have two other ones in an XL and XXL. Kelly held up a women's cut large to my back and we decided that's the one I would get, because certainly I would be able to wear it in a few weeks when it's warmer out. We got back to the condo and I put it on, and it FIT!!! I can't tell you how excited I was. I don't remember the last time I wore a large t-shirt...it was probably in 5th grade. ;) Then, Chris and I decided to go to the State game in Greensboro, and since my only red shirt right now is a turtleneck I needed a new State shirt. I went to Alummni Hall at Crabtree, and got the cutest State shirt in a large. My problem with t-shirts in the past, is the way that XXL shirts are cut is that there are really long arms (assuming that people who are that size are probably tall) and the shirts themselves are long. Sometimes they looked like a dress on me! I always needed that size for my chest and my stomach, so it ended up looking ridiculous everywhere else. These large shirts seem to fit me everywhere...the arms are the perfect length, and the middles are form fitting but also have enough room. I couldn't be happier that I can wear that size now, and I can't wait to buy a medium next! After I get ready later on, I'll post some pictures with my new shirts. :) I'm waiting to do another comparison picture when I am down 85 pounds, so hopefully that will be this week.

My Couch to 5K program has been going well, and I've even been doing it by myself! Chris wasn't allowed to run for 2 weeks after his surgery, so I've been going alone. I can't believe that I am able to run for 16 minutes now. The last time I went, I completely beat my distance from the time before! I like running with Chris, but there is also something so liberating in going by myself because I am motivated enough to exercise by myself and don't need a buddy there to keep pushing me!! I am pushing myself, where in the past, I used to make a bunch of excuses not to exercise, and just to "take it easy" and not push myself. I would tell myself that at least I was exersizing, and didn't feel the need to "beat" any times or distances. Now I want to challenge myself, and keep getting better.

Despite the fact that the scale hasn't showed much loss lately, I still have so much to celebrate. So, I am confident that as long as I'm doing what I've been told to do, the scale will start catching up to all of the other awesome things I'm seeing. :)