Celebrating the Little Things

Us at the CBC party on December 19th:
Dress: my parents bought it
Shoes: DSW $40.00
Nail Polish: $8.50 OPI dark sparkly purple
Purse: $35.00 Limited
Wearing the same dress I wore in 1996 to my first dance with Chris=PRICELESS

:) Right now I'm sitting on the couch, breathing in the scent of pine from our tree, and I decided to blog. I've been up since 7:00, because I'm taking care of my nephew dog Dexter, while Erica and Brian are both out of town. I went over there to feed him and let him out, enjoying a cup of vanilla coffee from our new Keurig coffeemaker. I am officially down 71 pounds now, and out of the 190s! Today was 189 on the scale. What a great place to be! I am going to the mall later on, to brave the holiday crowds...not to finish shopping for someone else, but to buy some new clothes! I really need a new track suit, since my other ones are so big, and since I got a giftcard from Belk from my class, I thought I would take advantage of that today with my coupon.

As I'm sitting here crossing my legs with the laptop actually in my lap, it makes me think of some of the "little things" which have been benefits of my weight loss. At my highest, I never really sat with my legs crossed, and I didn't have much of a lap. It was always hard to have little kids sit in my "lap" because they'd really just be balanced on my knees. So being able to cross my legs comfortably has been wonderful. Also, I noticed yesterday that my shadow has gotten significantly smaller. :) When I was leaving the mall, I looked at my shadow and thought--wow, shadow, you look like you've lost some weight too. ;) I've mentioned being able to shop in the 'non-women's section' of the store is nice, although I've never understood why they call the bigger clothes section "womens" and the regular sized women section "misses". That's always been weird to me...like regular sized women aren't actually women. Chris loves to pick me up now, and he's waiting for the day where he can carry me in his arms. He mentioned to me when we were dancing at the christmas party, that he could wrap his arms all the way around me, like he used to be able to when we were in high school. I've also noticed that several pairs of shoes I used to wear don't fit. I guess my feet have narrowed some, so the "wide fit" is too big. Touching my toes is extremely easy now. So, there are some of the "little benefits" of losing 71 pounds.

My attitude about food has DEFINITELY changed since the surgery. Right afterwards, once I was able to eat solid food again, I found myself obsessing about food, since I could only have liquids for the three weeks. I've noticed a gradual shift of things over the past 4 months, where food is just not important anymore. This week of Christmas used to be a lot about the foods I would enjoy with our family traditions, and now it's actually about spending time with the family. I've had a few treats this week which have gone down fine, but they just aren't as good to me anymore. I still do better with crunchy things, versus breads, pizza crust, etc. I've been able to eat pizza, but usually only a half a slice or so. I did enjoy a half sandwich and soup from Village Deli last week, and since the bread was toasted, and I really took my time to eat it, I was able to eat the majority of the half. I've learned so much since the surgery, although I still have the occasional problem. Yesterday I surprised Chris with Moe's for lunch at his office, for him and the staff who was there. I had one steak taco, and as I was eating my first bite, I noticed that two pieces of steak were stuck together. Not wanting to spit part of it out in front of everyone, I tried to chew it really well before I swallowed the bite. I could feel it going down and it remained a little "stuck" for the remainder of the afternoon. When I ate a little bite of an oreo ball later in the afternoon, I got sick, and I think it was because of the steak. I then felt sick later on that evening, and finally better after that. So, even though I've really come a long way with eating more slowly and chewing well, I know I'm going to have the occasional problem.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to get ready, and brave the crowds to get some new clothes! I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas week, and Merry Christmas to all! :) Thanks for reading my blog! :)

"All the single ladies, all the single ladies"...

No...I'm not wanting to be single again :)...that is just the mantra that goes through my head every time I try on my new high heels. ;) That's right--'high' heels. In the past, when I've worn shoes when I dressed up, I would wear short heels-maybe one or one and a half inches high. After wearing them all night, my feet would really hurt. Often too, my feet would slip down too far and it would be really uncomfortable. Last week I bought a new black sweater dress. Chris told me that we were going to go to a Toys for Tots fundraising dinner, where Tom O'Brien was going to speak. I wore the dress to school that day, with my standard clogs-comfortable shoes for school. During the day, I decided, "I want to go buy a pair of high heels to wear with this dress tonight." After school, I went to DSW since they have a big selection. I strolled down the aisle that I normally bypass for the cute, comfortable shoes, and saw exactly what I wanted--a pair of black patent leather high heels, with a pointed front and a skinny heel in the back. The heels are about 2 inches, maybe 2 and a half, not ridiculously "I'm going to break my ankle" high but definitely higher than anything I own. I slid off my comfortable clogs, and stepped into them. I felt instantly so much taller. I walked over to the full length mirror, liking the way they felt on my feet, and admired my new profile. I LOVED them! I tried on about 4 more pairs, but kept coming back to the first pair I tried on. I bought them, brought them home, and was so excited to wear them that night.

At the dinner, I felt confident, sexy, and beautiful, and not to mention that I was also significantly taller--only about a half a foot shorter than Chris rather than my usual foot shorter. :)

I wore them again at our party last Saturday, and even though I had been on my feet all day working, I was able to wear them all night without too much pain. I guess it's amazing to think what 70 less pounds can do for your feet!

Good week

Whew--this weekend has been so busy! It was really nice to just completely relax today, after everything from Friday and yesterday. I'll get into that in a minute, but today I am down 68 pounds. Pretty soon, I'll be in the 180s, and the 190s will be gone forever. I'm really having to buy a lot of new clothes now, especially bottoms. Some things still fit weird, since I need a slimmer leg, but bigger waist. I guess clothing manufacturers think if you have a bigger waist, then your legs are bigger too! I bought two cute sweater dresses from Target, so I can wear those to school and for the holidays coming up. I may break down and get a new coat too--I've been wearing a rain coat, but with the cold temps last week, I don't think it's enough. Plus, it's getting too big...at least it has a belt, so I've been tightening that, but I think I may get a coat from Target. I saw some pea coats for $30, and I'm going to wait until next week to see if they're discounted more before Christmas. If I can wait, I might try to hit the after Christmas sales too.

Yesterday we had the annual Jingle Bulls party at our house. This is the 6th time we've had the party, so it is a fun tradition for all of us. We invite the front office staff from the Bulls and this year we had about 25 people. Friday night I spent doing orders, and wrapping gifts. Saturday I finished wrapping all of the gifts, cleaned the entire upstairs and downstairs, and organized my "craft room" which was about 2 hours itself! Chris helped clean, and really got the yard looking great. By the time the party started at 8:00, we were pooped! Today, despite getting up at 8:30, I have really relaxed. I've worked on some christmas gifts, watched christmas movies on abc family, and I'm still in my pajamas right now, as I type my blog and watch the San Diego Chargers game. :)

I was pretty stressed out last week with everything going on at school, but luckily by staying late I got a lot of work done, so I feel a lot better. We have report cards due by Friday, I wanted to plan for the first few weeks in January, and I've been packing my room since I'm moving out to a trailer when we get back. Since I got almost all of my report cards done, and the plans finished, now I can just focus on enjoying this last week with my kids, and getting them to help me move everyting. It's amazing how much kids like to help doing things like that! I've even had offers from kids to miss their recess to help me. It's crazy! :)

Food-wise everything has been fine. I went to the gym once, and didn't make it the two other times I planned on going because of all of the work I had. I don't know how things will look this week with all of the events after school, but I'm going to take my clothes and try to go. The week of the 21st when I'm off, I should take Spencer every day. He'll enjoy that.

Well, that's all for now. I'll post some pictures of me in my new outfits soon. I need to get another pink camisole and gray shorts for my standard shot, since the old ones are getting too big and it might be hard to see the weight loss. Once I do that, I'll post a new round of comparison pics.

Hope everyone is enjoying this holiday time. Love to all!

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Everything continues to go well. I am down 64 pounds today. In looking at the calendar, I haven't lost many pounds in the last week and a half, but every month I've gone through a small plateau, right around the 3rd/4th week. I'm definitely not worried about this at all, because I continue to follow the rules: get enough protein in my daily diet, take all of my vitamins, drink a lot of water, and get some exercise into my routine. All over I feel wonderful changes--I have more energy, I'm able to sleep without my C-PAP machine and I'm not tired, I'm wearing the smallest sizes I've worn in such a long time, etc. Chris's company Christmas party is coming up on December 19th. Last year, I bought a beautiful new dress, which is too big now, and I was thinking I really didn't want to buy a new dress since I could only wear it this year. So...I thought about some of the dresses in my closet, and I found a 'little black dress' that I wore to the first dance I went to with Chris in 1996--Winterfest at Millbrook. The dress is a size 16, and it is short, black, and has silver sparkles on it. About a month ago, I tried it on, and it was a little snug, but it fit!!! It's still in style, because little black dresses are always in style, so I decided I was going to wear it. I bought some new silver sparkly high heels (which are sooooo high) and I'm going to get a new silver clutch, and voila--a "new" outfit I can wear! I tried it on again last night, and it fits perfectly. I am so excited to wear it. I'll post our professional picture that we order every year. :)

We had a great time in New York!! We were able to walk everywhere, and I could tell that I wasn't nearly as tired, and I could walk more than our previous NY trips. I got a ton of exercise that week we were there. Since we've been back, I've gone to the gym twice, so my goal for next week is to make it at least 3 times, if not 4. Here are some pictures from our trip:


Us in front of the ESPN Zone restaurant in Baltimore


At the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade


We had a great view of the balloons!


Caroline, Anthony, Chris and I after Thanksgiving lunch

Well, I have a TON of things to do today, so I'll have to write more later. Have a great Sunday!

New Pics

Big News!

(p.s. this was written on Friday and posted on Saturday)

I have lost 60.4 pounds, and I am now....drum roll...under 200!!! WOW--I haven't been under 200 lbs. since high school. Also, today marks exactly 3 months since my surgery, so what a milestone to hit on this date! I am very happy with my results, and can't believe I've lost so much in such a short period of time.

Food-wise, I still don't have much of an appetite. I had some problems after eating a small portion of a bbq chicken sandwich and a few baked fries. I felt pretty sick for about 5 hours, and eventually it all came out. Also, last night I started feeling some pressure in my stomach, and it's still going this morning. I'm wondering if it could be from my CPAP breathing machine. Last night when I wasn't feeling too good before I went to bed, I put the mask on, and it felt like it was just pumping more air into my body. I decided to sleep without it, and I woke up this morning with a little bit of the pressure still, but I'm not too tired. Maybe I should try a little longer time without the CPAP, and see if that helps.

I've exercised twice so far this week, and I plan on going later on today when I feel a little better. Spencer has been wonderful by coaxing us to go. :) Thanks Spence, for watching out for your mommy! :) I'm excited about our trip next week, and I know there will be a lot of walking which will be great for exercise.

I got some very exciting news earlier in the week. I was voted Teacher of the Year at my school for the 2010-2011 school year!!!!! Teacher of the Year is voted on by all of the teachers, so it is such an honor to be chosen by my peers. So, what happens now, is that I will move on to the county level and I will prepare some information so I can be considered for Wake County Teacher of the Year. Regardless if I win at the next level or not, I will get to attend a banquet and be honored for winning the award at my school. I love my job, and it's so nice to be recognized for the hard work I put in.

So, it's been a week of ups and downs, as always, but I feel like I ended up on top again. I guess it's all about the way you look at things. :)

It's been a good week

I've not had much to report, other than it's been a good week for me. My pain went away on Tuesday, so I was relieved about that. I have lost 57 pounds, and I am now wearing the smallest jeans I owned from before with Weight Watchers--which meant lots of new shopping last week. :) Food-wise, I've had no major problems. My appetite hasn't been that big, so I'm just trying to make sure I get all of my protein in.

I joined a forum called Thinner Times, for people who've had some type of weight loss surgery. On the site, there was a link to a place where you could enter information about your weight loss so far, and it would make a line graph of your expected weight loss. Based on my numbers, it said that I am projected to lose 100 pounds, if I keep at the same rate I am now, by early next spring. That is amazing! It said I could be at my goal, which is to be around 130, by next summer. That sounds like a great plan, and we'll see how everything progresses. :)

I got some bloodwork back from the doctor's visit last week. Two numbers really stood out to me. My cholesterol in May of this year was 248, and now it's 166! (Below 200 is desirable) My triglycerides were 245, and now they are 90. (Less than 150 is considered normal) So besides the scale and my measurements, those are two awesome results that show the surgery has added many years onto my life.

Well, if anything new comes up, I'll post this week. Until then, take care!

Picture Update

It's so amazing that I can never really see the changes when I'm looking at the pictures on my camera, or even after I've uploaded them, but when you put them side by side with my pre-surgery pics, they are very evident. :)

One thing the nutritionist said I could try again is carbonated drinks. He said half of the people handle it fine, and the other half have problems. I took two sips of a Coke Zero yesterday, and I handled it fine, but I didn't like the taste at all. It tasted almost like a club soda--not even sweet. I used to LOVE Coke Zeros. Oh well...at least I know I'm not missing anything. I've tried pasta since they gave me the all clear, which is one of the things I've missed most, and it's been great. I haven't felt sick after I've eaten in well over two weeks, so I think I'm finally learning to eat slowly, and when to stop. I had some Mrs. Grasses soup yesterday, and today I had a little microwavable spaghetti and meatballs. Tonight for dinner I made some homemade baked potato soup and beer bread. They were both great--I had about 3/4 cup of the soup, and 1/3 of a slice of the bread. I'm really fine with just having a 'taste' of something and having it satisfy me. We got these gourmet apples on Wednesday night from some guests we had over for dinner. One of them was a Reese's caramel apple, and the other was an apple pie apple. Tonight after dinner, I had a tiny bite of the apple pie one, and then a no sugar added fudgesicle. Just that little bite was all I needed.

Earlier today I told Chris that eating has become somewhat of a chore lately. I need to break out of my rut and try some different foods. Every three hours I stand in front of the fridge/pantry, thinking "I'm not hungry...but I have to eat. I guess I'll have ______". I guess it's a good problem to have. :)

Well, that was two posts in two days. Like I said, I will probably post more now that I'm tracked out. Nighty night! :)

An Eventful Week

Since the last time I have blogged, I have met the 50 pound milestone (!!, 52.4 as of this morning), I am at the lowest weight I've been since the end of high school, I have tracked out, I had to make a visit to the doctor for some pain I was having, and I have advanced to the last phase of my diet--all solid foods. If I thought last week's blog was long, I better settle down for a longer one this week. :)

I'll start with the pain I had been feeling. Wednesday night we had some friends over for dinner. Around 8:30, when we were sitting down and they were having dessert, I started having a feeling of pain in my lower left side. It felt like maybe it was gas, or possibly from something I had eaten. It wasn't very intense pain, but it was still uncomfortable. Overnight, I would wake up lying on my left side, and have to lay flat again. On Thursday morning, the pain was still there and it felt like a constant throbbing. I really couldn't take off from school, because I had an economy fair with another teacher's class, and it would have been really hard for a sub to do. That morning I googled 'left side pain lower abdomen, gastric bypass' and started reading some articles about what this could be. I started to worry more when I saw on some weight loss forums that this could be an obstructed bowel, urinary tract infection, kidney problem, diverticulosis, etc. Some posts said that you should contact your doctor immediately, because people had really serious complications from pain like this, and others said it was just gas or constipation, and you'd be fine. So, I decided to call the head nurse of the bariatric program at Duke and get her advice. She told me to come in and see Dr. Sudan, my surgeon. He had a surgery on Thursday, but said he could see me Friday morning. She said he would really need to see me in person and take some tests to see what was causing this.

Throughout the day Thursday, I felt a lot of pain, probably because I was moving around so much at school. My anxiety started kicking in, because on Friday, my track out day, we were having North Carolina Day for our grade level which I had put in a lot of work for, and we had been planning for a couple of months. I really wanted to be there to see it all come together. Also, that night, I was supposed to be having the first part of a round robin staff social at my house as well. Well, after the nurse told me to come in the next day, I talked with my principal, and he took care of everything. He got Kelly to sub for my class, and got a sub for hers (since Kelly would know more what to do and could help out with NC Day...I felt much better that she would be there--Thanks Kel!! :) and told me we should postpone the social until I was feeling better. I really appreciate him so much for taking the anxiety away, and helping make those decisions for me. I never actually had any panic, but I just really wanted everything to work out well for everyone. (after I sent out the email that we were postponing the social, a lot of teachers were happy about it, since they said they weren't able to attend last night :)

Okay, that was a lot of background, so let me get to the actual doctor's visit. After I explained to him what I had been feeling, and he checked out my lower abdomen, he said he didn't think I had any of those more serious complications, because my pain level was only at a 3 or 4 on the pain scale. If I was having a bowel obstruction or kidney problems (like a stone) I'd be hunched over and in a lot more pain. He said it could be constipation, and told me to take a laxative when I got home, or it could be my ovaries since my cycle is waking up. He also said I could be taking stool softeners daily, if constipation ended up being the problem. If the pain gets worse, he told me to come in and he would order a CT scan. He took a urine sample and checked for an infection (and pregnancy, but that was negative). Also, since I was going to see him in a week for my 3 month visit he took the bloodwork too to check my vitamin levels, my blood sugar, and cholesterol. (I really love that about Duke, how they make everything easier for you!) He also set up to have Patrick, the nutritionist, come talk to me as well, so I wouldn't have to come back to see him. The nurse called yesterday afternoon and said that I didn't have a urine infection. I took the laxative last night, and it did work, but I am still having the same pain in that area this morning. I'm not as worried about it now, as before, and I guess I will need to just keep an eye on things and if it gets worse, call the office. Luckily I'm tracked out now, so I don't have to worry about missing school.

My session with Patrick was really good! He said I am now "cleared" for all of the foods that had previously been on the "foods to avoid" list: nuts, peanut butter, tougher meats like steak, pasta, rice, raw veggies and fruits, and so many more!! I feel like this will really open my options for meals, but I also have a little trepidation moving forward. I am glad to be eating nuts now, since they are such a good source of protein and non-perishable. It is so hard to take refrigerator items with me when I'm going to be out, without packing a cooler. I still need to add these new foods one at a time, as before, so I can make sure I don't have a problem with anything. Patrick said that I am cleared to eat basically anything, but of course I have to still watch any intake of high fat/high sugar foods. He asked if I'd had dumping syndrome, and I was proud to tell him no. I told him about some of the times I'd felt a little sick after I ate, and he said that was completely normal. He reassured me that there is such a long learning curve with eating post surgery. It takes a long time to figure out which foods you can eat, how you can eat them and what other foods you can tolerate them with. Sometimes it feels so long ago that I had the surgery, but when he talks about this still being a long learning process, it makes me feel better. I feel like I should be an expert by now, but it's going to take a long while to feel completely confident about what I'm eating. Chris asked him if I was on track with my weight loss, and he said I was measuring at a 36% loss of my excess weight so far. Duke's average is losing 71% of your excess weight loss after gastric bypass. Patrick said I was right where I was supposed to be--and I can't believe I've already lost 36% of my excess weight to lose!!!! That felt really good. Even when the scale isn't showing the loss, so many other factors can indicate that I'm doing well. When I showed him our weight loss calendar (we write our weights down daily) he recommended that I weigh less often--at least every other day. With the fluctuations I can have, due to water retention, and my cycle, he said weighing every day is not getting a true indication of my loss. So, as hard as that will be, I will start trying to do that.....tomorrow. ;)

I have passed my lowest weight with Weight Watchers, which is a great accomplishment!! I took some pictures last week, but Chris hasn't had a chance yet to compile them, so I'll try to get those up tomorrow. I am tracked out now, even though I have two workdays next week, and I'm so excited for some Christmas shopping and getting ready for our trip to NYC over Thanksgiving!! I LOVE this time of year, and I've had fun doing a little shopping already for Christmas gifts.

...Well, I had just taken a little break in writing because my mom called, and now I want to go get moving for the day, so I will write more later. Now that I'm tracked out, I may even blog twice a week! ;) Stay tuned...

I heart carbs :)

Since I'm at the beach this morning, I can't weigh. From Friday, I was about 49 pounds down, so I may have hit the big 50 now. :) I guess I'll find out tomorrow morning. I've felt really good about my weight loss this week, despite the fact that things have slowed down a little. When I think about it, it's AMAZING that I have lost almost 50 pounds in 2 months!!! When I did this with Weight Watchers, it took a year for me to lose that. I am wearing the smallest size clothes that I've had in my closet since I lost the weight with WW, so it's going to be time to go shopping soon. I've had some strange things going on with my cycle this week, which I won't go into detail about, but it indicates that things are working, and maybe that's why my weight loss has been slower these past two weeks.

Carbs have been challenging for me this past week. As I put my foods into my Lose It app on my phone I've noticed that my protein, although within the recommended range, has been less than my carb intake. When I see the nutritionist on November 15 I want to ask him about the amount of carbs I should be consuming. I know that carbs are in everything, even things that are high in protein, so I may be fine since I'm getting the correct amount of protein everyday. Duke hospital has been very specific about the amount of water and protein that I'm supposed to be taking, so I would think they would have told me about the amount of carbs I should be intaking too, if they thought a certain amount would be too much. Pre-surgery, carbs were a big part of my diet. The foods I miss the most right now are pasta and rice, which I haven't had any of yet. As I have slowly entered back into my diet the carbs that are allowed, I notice that I tend to gravitate towards those foods more. I'm just so sick of meat and cheese. Chris and I talked about this on the way down to the beach, and he said I should go to the grocery store and go on a "new protein food" mission, to get some variety. I think that's a good idea. I had to throw out a bunch of meat and seafood from our freezer, when I had accidentally left the door cracked all night and it had all thawed. Therefore, the variety of meats in the house this past week has been limited, since I can't pull something out of the freezer. When I admitted that I feel I've been eating too many carbs, Chris said that it's good that I'm recognizing it and trying to change it. Honestly, carbs go down easier on my stomach than protein. I don't have to chew them as long, and since protein makes you fuller faster (which is why the doctor wants you to eat it first) I have to be more careful about eating my protein than I do just straight carbs. Since I'm still not hungry, the biggest thing I have been watching is not falling back into old habits of snacking when I get home. In the past, I would eat out of boredom, while watching TV in the afternoon after school. I've found myself thinking about doing that...getting some crackers and cheese, or Baked Lays, but then I stop myself and think that the next time I'm "supposed" to eat is dinner time. I've been proud of myself that I've been able to control that I don't do that, where in the past I wasn't able to do that. That's where the doctor's advice rings so true--Surgery is a tool to help you get to your goal weight, but you also have to committ to eating more healthy and exercising too, because the surgery isn't a cure all by itself.

With exercising, I went 3 times last week. Since Chris was sick at the beginning of the week, he didn't want to get up and go early, so I was going to try to go after school by myself. I didn't go Monday, but I did go Tuesday afternoon. Spencer and I got caught in the rain, which was actually kind of fun. :) Wednesday morning, we were going to go, but we were both just too tired, and I didn't go that afternoon. Erica and Nick came over Wednesday night for dinner, and I just didn't have enough time to go for my walk, with everything I had to do after school. Thursday and Friday I committed to getting up early, and we did go both days. I think in a week's time, 3 times will be my minimum and I'm hoping for 5 times in a week. I'm proud of myself for getting up Thursday and Friday again. Chris had really been fighting me, but of course once I turned on the bright lights in the bedroom, he got up too. I'm so glad he's doing it with me, because as I noticed when he was sick, it was SUPER hard for me to want to do it on my own. I really hope as exercise becomes a permanent part of my routine, I'll become one of those people who just HAS to go. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm praying it will. :)

(It's so funny that when I sit down to write a blog, I don't think I'll have much to say, but then things just start pouring out of me.)

Going out to eat is really not even something I care to do anymore. Chris called me on Tuesday night and said, "Hey...let's go out to eat tonight." In the past, I would have been glad about that, and immediately thought about where I wanted to go. Places like Chili's, Ragazzi's, California Pizza Kitchen, Mexican, and Chinese were regulars of ours, and when he suggested that this time, I honestly didn't care at all. We ended up going to Chili's, and took advantage of their 2 for $20 promotion. You get an appetizer, 2 entrees, and a dessert for $20. We did have a good time just talking and enjoying each other's company, but the food wasn't the main event for me anymore. I had about 4 chips with the skillet queso, 1 hamburger patty from my mini-burger bites (1/4 of a hamburger patty) with 4 fries, and a tiny bite of the brownie sundae. I felt fine after it all because I had chewed slowly, and made sure I stopped when I was full. I have been glad that I can have a tiny bite of some desserts now. I'm probably not "supposed" to have any, but honestly one bite has been just enough for me to taste it, and I haven't felt any symptoms of dumping syndrome or anything like that. When I tell people I had a tiny bite of a sweet, they seem surprised, and I sort of feel like I've been "bad". But, I'm just trying to be careful, and take things slowly as I enter those kinds of foods back into my diet.

Part of my personality is trying to be perfect, and the one thing I've never been able to do that with is my diet and exercise. It's really the only area that I haven't wanted to be perfect with, which is part of the reason I struggle with it so much. When I was growing up, I used to lie about what I ate, or hide things from others about my eating habits. As I've grown older, I've become more honest, but especially now after my surgery I feel like as I am honest about what I'm eating, I'm being judged by other people. I know that I am judgemental towards other people too, so I try not to be upset by this, but like anything in life, until you've experienced it yourself you can't truly understand what people are going through. I realize that since I've been open about my journey I get the good and the bad that comes with that. The good being that I have an awesome support system and I'm getting so many compliments, and the bad is that I feel like people are watching every little thing I eat and judging my habits. This perception is my reality now, so I just have to try my best, and not let my anxiety overcome me.

This trip to the beach this weekend, was much better than last time. When we came over labor day, 2 weeks after my surgery, it rained the whole time and I was on the liquid diet. This time, we've enjoyed spending time on the beach and time with Chris's family. We brought food with us, and did go out for seafood last night, but that was fine. I got broiled scallops, mashed potatoes and green beans, and I felt good after everything I ate. I really haven't felt sick at all last week, after I've eaten, so I think I'm finally figuring out the amounts I can have, that I need to eat slowly, and how to adjust if I start feeling queasy.

Well, I'm going to have to wrap this up, since I need to start packing to get home. Chris and I have to clean the house today for my staff party next Friday, and I have many orders to work on when I get home. I need to take my next round of pictures, so after I do that I'll post the before and after. :)

Almost 50!

Today I am 47.4 down. My weight loss has been slower the past two weeks, than before, so I may have hit a small plateau. In the past two days, I've lost 2.2 pounds, so I think things are picking back up again.

I did not get my period two weeks ago, but the scale and my hormones simulated me having my cycle. I don't know what that means for the future, but I will just wait and see what happens next month.

This past week I've been in a rut food-wise. I am getting tired of the same foods all of the time: turkey and cheese with crackers, soup, cereal and milk, cottage cheese, and yogurt. In the past few weeks, since I've been a little sick with certain foods, I think I tried to stick with things that I know go down well. However, now I'm ready to break out! Yesterday I started writing a blog, but it was so negative sounding, that I decided to wait until I was feeling a little more positive about things. After looking through my new weight loss cookbooks, I came up with a few recipes that I wanted to try this week to give me a little bit of variety--chili with bacon and cheddar muffins, fruity french toast, pot roast with mini potatoes and carrots, and garlic shrimp. These foods sound "normal" but they are made with certain ingredients which increase the protein and lower the carbs. I'm excited to try these things this week, and hopefully break out of my food rut.

I exercised 4 times last week, which is double the week before! Chris and I got up at 5:00 am, and went for a half hour. It felt great that we committed to it and did it! The upside is that I felt wonderful in the morning, and it got me going on the right foot all day. Also, I loved the fact that when I got home from school, I didn't have to think about exercise--I could put on my pjs and watch TV. :) The downside is that Chris and I were both so tired during the week. We need to adjust our bedtime earlier, so this will continue to work for us. Our goal is to go 5 days a week, and take a break on the weekends.

Clothes are continuing to get too big. Friday we had a pep rally at school, and I was trying to find a red shirt to wear (our colors are red and blue) and everything was too big! That is a nice feeling to have when you're getting dressed, and eventually I had to wear my Heritage t-shirt, and put a red sweater over it. I really don't like wearing clothes that are too big, so I guess I'll need to go shopping! ;) I've found that I'm a little colder at school than I used to be. I've been wearing lots of sweaters (like my co-workers) when normally before I was warm during the day.

I will post some pictures next week, a month after the last pictures I posted. My goals for the week are to exercise 5 days, try new foods, and increase my water intake. Have a super-dee-duper week! :)

Yo-Yo Week

This week has had it's ups and downs. Weight-wise, I have only lost 1.8 since last Saturday. I was supposed to get my period on Thursday, and I haven't gotten it yet. My weight loss this week has simulated what happened the other time I got my period, but then it didn't come. I guess I may still get it, but it's a little discouraging since last month I had gotten it exactly 28 days from the first time I got it in the hospital. I'm not really disappointed about the small weight loss this week. I know that each week can't be 5 or 6 pounds. I did measure my inches from the day before surgery, and I have lost 10 INCHES in my waist since surgery!! I'm very excited about that, and I can definitely tell in my pants. I had been buying more shirts in smaller sizes in the few weeks after surgery, and now I realize I have to get some more pants, since everything is getting too big. :)

Yesterday was the first time I truly got sick from something I ate. On Thursday night, I went to Chili's for dinner with Kelly and her kids, and Chris. I ordered the Monteray Chicken dish. I ate about 1/3 of the chicken, with a few bites of mashed potatoes, and everything went down fine with no problems. I took some for lunch yesterday, and I ate about another 1/3 of it. About a half hour after lunch, I started feeling a little sick. After I went to the bathroom, nothing really happened, and I started feeling better. About an hour later, I felt sick again, and this time I threw up. I will qualify this by saying I approached feeling sick a little differently than I had before. The other few times I thought I was going to throw up, I tried to swallow it back down, take deep breaths, and try hard for it not to come out. This time, I thought it might make me feel better sooner if I gave myself permission to do it, and it came out. It was over pretty quickly, and I felt a little better afterwards, but my stomach was not "normal". There were lots of strange noises going on in my stomach, which they said will happen because of this type of surgery. I left school a little early, and came home, just in case I got sick again. I began to get worried about my protein and water intake, since I hadn't drunk anything in about 2 1/2 hours, and I hadn't had my afternoon meal. I decided to drink some Boost, so I'd get the protein without having to eat anything. Well, that proved to be a mistake too. I got terrible heartburn, and then realized that I had forgotten to take my Prilosec that morning. I took my Prilosec, and waiting a little while, but the heartburn wouldn't go away. I felt terrible. Around 5:30, I threw up again, and it was mainly the Boost, which I had only taken 4 or 5 sips of. My chest and arms really hurt after I did it, but slowly I started feeling better. I waited about 2 more hours to eat or drink anything, when I felt my system had finally calmed down, and then had a small dinner. Everything went down fine, and I feel okay now. After I've reflected today about the whole experience, I've learned a few things: 1) I need to eat lighter foods at lunch time. Usually I would eat lunch-type foods, but in reality I only have 20 minutes to eat it by the time I drop my kids off and have to pick them up. I'd be better off to have a smaller meal like yogurt, or what I normally eat around 3:00 for my snack, and eat my lunch-type food at 3:00, when I have more time to eat it after school. 2) I need to be more careful with "rich" foods. Even though the chicken dish went down well on Thursday, it did have cheese on it, bacon, tomatoes and BBQ sauce, and that combination is probably too rich on my stomach at this point. I need to go back to foods that are a little more bland to make sure I can tolerate them well, before going back to foods like that. It is hard not to eat the things that I was able to eat before the surgery, but I know that it's only temporary and that my stomach will be able to tolerate some of those foods again after more time has passed. 3) When I feel sick, I can't worry about my protein and water intake. I need to let my body settle down after things like that happen, and know that I can always make up for those things later on. I think if I stick to these three things, I can eliminate this from happening in the future.

A good thing from this week, is that I can wear a favorite pair of khaki pants that I had when I lost weight before, and they are even a little loose! One of my problems with pants, is that I need them to be a certain size in the waist, but my legs aren't as big as someone with my waist size would need, so they still end up looking too big. I need to try to find some pants that are a little relaxed in the waist, but slimmer in the legs, so they don't look like clown pants.

I went to the gym on Monday afternoon, and then didn't exercise again until yesterday. On Thursday, Chris and I had heard about a media story about Carnie Wilson, and how she had gained some weight back after her weight loss surgery. After she had her daughter, she gained about 50 pounds back from the 150 she had lost from her surgery. I started to think about how I really need to be exercising so that I am maximizing my weight loss potential, and getting healthy habits that I can keep up once I get down to my goal weight. Chris and I talked about it, and decided that most of our problem with working out after work is that we're so tired. We just want to come home and watch TV all night, and have a hard time getting motivated to get dressed and go for a walk or go to the gym. Walking at night at home has been a little easier for us to do, but with the rain this week, it meant we had to go to the gym, which we didn't make the effort to do. When we first got married, and were living in our apartment, the school I student taught at started later than my school does now, and we would get up around 6:00 and take Spencer for a walk. It was fall then too, so it was colder and easier to be outside since you didn't really sweat. Thursday night we talked about this, and even though it would be SUPER EARLY to get up at 5:00, we would try it on Friday morning. If we could do this 5 days a week, then we wouldn't exercise on the weekends, and we would try to go to bed a little earlier. 5:05 came pretty early, but we did it, and it felt great! We walked for a half hour, got home and I got ready while he watched TV and ate breakfast. I took my breakfast in the car, and finished it at school, and I felt like everything worked really well. I did go to bed last night at 9:00, so obviously my system will not be able to handle going to bed around 10:30 anymore on school nights, but I think this could work. I'll keep you posted next week as to how things went, but we've got nothing to lose, right?

Overall, I am feeling good, and really happy about my weight loss. I know the road on this journey isn't always going to be smooth, but I think the way I approach the bumps in the road will define how this overall journey is going to go for me. Thank you for all of your positive emails, comments, and talks we've had. You, my friends and family, are an integral part of my journey, and I'm so glad I have you here with me along for the ride! :):):)

42 pounds--Whoohoo!

I'm sorry it's been a while since I posted! (but secretly, it's nice to have people pester me to update it, since I know at least a few people are reading my blog! ;) I have lost exactly 42 pounds as of today!!!! The pictures above were taken earlier today. I am wearing my SKINNY JEANS! These jeans were the smallest size I bought when I lost the 50 pounds with Weight Watchers about 5 years ago. I haven't been able to wear that size since---and it is currently the smallest pants size I own. I guess I'll be getting more clothes soon! The other red dress is a milestone as well. Before my surgery, I went to the "regular women" size department at Macy's, and bought that dress. I could get it on, but it was really tight. I knew as soon as I could wear it, it would be a huge accomplishment, since it was so tight when I first put it on. Well, it fits! I may wear it to school soon, before it gets too cold. I figure I could wear it to State games too. (Chris HATES when I justify what I buy things for! He jokes that I have purses for "a Thursday in September, when it's raining, and State is playing Clemson." heehee...I guess I do feel the need to justify my purchases, since I like to buy purses and clothes!)

I'm feeling really good. I met with my surgeon last Monday, and he was very pleased with my weight loss. He told me I was looking good! He checked my scars, and everything is healing well. I had to laugh when they took my weight in the office. Normally at a doctor's office, your weight is like 5 pounds higher than it is at home that morning, usually because you've eaten since the morning, and it makes you feel bigger than you actually are. Well, this time, the scale was LESS than I was that morning! That was a new feeling. Everything else was great, and when they were updating my records, it was amazing to remember that I'm off my blood pressure and insulin resistance medicines, I'm not having headaches all of the time (like before surgery) and I'm not feeling numbness in my hands and arms when I wake up. Those were all things I had told them were going on before surgery. He even said it was good that I was exercising 3 times a week, even though I told him I'd like to get up to 5 times. Last week I only went once, but I have packed my gym bag and plan to make up for it this week! I'm also going to plan going with friends, a set time each week, which will help keep me on track.

I am LOVING the compliments I receive. Mainly they are from school, but even today at our family party, several people hadn't seen me since before the surgery, and they said they could really tell a difference. I still can't believe that it's only been 7 weeks since the surgery. My next appt. is in November, and at that time, I will advance to the next part of my diet. We did book our trip to NYC over Thanksgiving, so I'm very excited about that. We are leaving Tuesday morning, and driving to Baltimore, to stay with our friend Gregg. On Wednesday, we'll drive up to NY, and we're staying there Wed., Thurs., and Friday nights. We'll drive back home on Saturday. We're going to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, and eat Thanksgiving dinner with Chris's sister Caroline. Caroline lives in Times Square, so her place is our home base when we visit. Since we'll be going a little later than we usually go in November, there should be more decorations up as well. I LOVE this time of year! I'm already thinking ahead to the trip, and how I am going to plan my meals. I have to be sure I can still eat every few hours, and find foods that are healthy. Luckily since Caroline lives there, she can steer us to the right places. :)

I felt sick twice this week. Once was during reading groups, when I had eaten my snack too fast, since I was talking with my grade level during planning. I got the feeling that I might be sick, and had to end groups early and head to the bathroom. Luckily it passed pretty quickly. On Wednesday night I had a bigger problem with feeling sick. This time, the feeling lasted for about a half hour, and then resurfaced again an hour later when I started to drink again. I had eaten a small portion of rotisserie chicken, and a few small pieces of tomato and mozzarella. I was sitting and talking with Chris, and was still nibbling on the rest of my chicken, even after I was feeling a little full. I had the thought that I should finish the piece I took...even though of course that is a habit I HAVE to get away from. I definitely learned my lesson. I kept saying to myself, I should just go ahead and throw up, because I know I'll feel better, but I just couldn't do it. I kept swallowing, just hoping it wouldn't come up. After that, I had some chicken two days later, but I took a smaller piece, and stopped when I was full.

Today Chris and I cleaned the house, so it feels nice to sit downstairs and write my blog, with a feeling of accomplishment. We normally have a pretty clean house each fall, since we usually have a TON of family parties to watch the State game, but we have been fortunate to go to many of the games, so that hasn't been the case. I am having a staff party here at the beginning of November, so at least it won't be too hard to keep up this job for that. :)

Ok, well I guess that's all for now. (since I'm rambling about cleaning the house... ;) I hope everyone has a super week! Only 4 weeks until track out--I can see the end in sight!!

Pictures!

Chris is awesome with photoshop, and he made this picture collage of my weight loss so far. It's hard to see the difference unless they are side by side, but once he put them together it's definitely evident! :) Thanks, honey! The other pictures are from Erica's Heart Walk last weekend. I was down a size in jeans, and wearing a shirt I bought from Target right after surgery that didn't fit then, but does now!

36 pounds!! Yay!

I am feeling GREAT! In this past week, my weight loss has picked back up again, and I'm losing about a pound a day/every two days. I exercised 3 times, which is not up to my goal yet, but it's getting there. The most exciting thing is the clothes! I cleaned out my closet last weekend, and some this week as well, of clothes that are just too big to wear anymore. Once I try something on that doesn't fit, I put it either in my pile for consignment, or Good Will. Last weekend, I also started trying on pants in my next size down, and they fit! It seemed like with shirts I was able to move down sizes much sooner, than I was in pants. I also have some shoes that are getting too big to wear as well. I have this pair of brown high heeled flip flops, and my feet slid right down to the very front when I put them on!! So I guess I'm shrinking everywhere! ;)

I've gotten SO many compliments at school this week about my weight loss. I see the people on my hall much more than I see the K-3rd grade teachers, so naturally when those teachers haven't seen me everyday, I look more different to them. One of the pairs of pants I was able to wear this week, I haven't worn since 2005, when I lost the weight with Weight Watchers. They were very slimming, and I felt fabulous and confident. I just couldn't be happier right now with my decision to have the surgery. The hardest parts are behind me, and things are going very well!!

Food-wise, I only had one problem this week, so I'm getting more and more used to what I can and can't have. I've really been eating the same things lately, I guess because I like the taste and they go down well. Some of my main staples are cream of wheat with sweet and low and cinnamon (and sometimes I add pear or peach baby food like my mom used to make :) for breakfast, for lunch or snack I like one piece of Melba toast with 2 slices of deli turkey breast and an ounce of cheese, and for dinner I've been having some chili with cheese, soup, or mini meatballs with spaghetti sauce. That 'sort of' helps my Italian craving. :) The only 'out to eat' foods I've been craving are Italian and Mexican, so I'm trying to see how I can make those flavors at home. I just think that those things out to eat are going to have too much fat and calories, even if I only eat a small amount. Last night at school we had a Book Bop fundraiser for our book fair, and I served pizza for an hour. One of my friends asked me if it bothered me to serve that, knowing I couldn't eat it, and I could honestly say it didn't. I wasn't hungry, and another thought that crossed my mind was how the bread from the crust would form into a ball of dough in my stomach, and that was enough to curb my feelings from craving it. That's not to say that I don't crave foods I can't eat once in a while, but luckily those times are few and far between. Normally before a school event, I'd go out to eat with my friends, and last night it was kind of cool how food just wasn't important. I didn't eat dinner until 8:00 when I got home, and since I wasn't hungry, food wasn't something I had to think about all night. On the way home, I picked up Subway--a 6 in. turkey and cheese on whole wheat, with lettuce, tomato and light mayo. Last Sunday at Erica's heart walk, I had a little bit of a sub, and it went down well, so I thought I'd try it again. I had about 3 inches of it, but I only ate half of the bread on that 3 in. I also had 5 Baked Lay's with it, and everything tasted great! Spencer is loving that I'm not eating much. He has a radar for when I'm nearing the end of my meal, and then he'll come sit by me and finish off the leftovers. :) He's so smart. My favorite dessert now is no sugar added fudgsicles. I can eat them right after my meal, and I usually have one after dinner. Another treat that I really like is sugar free caramel Nips. It is hard caramel, that after you suck on for a while, becomes soft. I've had no problems with those, probably because I take so long to finish one. So this week has been great, with hardly no food problems.

I'm due to take another round of photos today, since I do them every 2 weeks. I'll post those sometime tonight or tomorrow, and you can see my progress over the last 6 weeks. Now that I've hit the 6 week mark, there are some recipes in my post weight loss surgery cookbooks that I can try, so I'm going to plan to make a few of those this week.

I have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday, which I'm sure will go well. My next food advancement will be near the end of November, at 3 months. At that point, I will be able to add most foods back into my diet. Chris and I are thinking about taking a driving trip to D.C., Baltimore, New York, and possibly Boston over Thanksgiving, so that is something I'm looking forward to. Also my family is going to Dallas over New Year's to visit my Uncle Ron and Aunt Maria Rosa. I love to travel, so I'm so excited about these trips coming up!! :) We're talking about possibly going to Europe next year, before we try to get pregnant again as well. I LOVE to organize and plan trips, so I am so happy to put my focus into those things right now.

Thank you to everyone for all of your positive comments and support! :) Have a lovely day!

Down 31.2!!!

I have lost 31.2 pounds now!!! This past week has been a struggle with the scale. I think because of my cycle this week, I lost .2, gained .4, lost .6, etc. It was really frustrating, since I was used to losing a pound a day. But, I think I have hit a plateau. However, I did experience a loss in inches this week. Several of the smaller clothes I bought right after the surgery which didn't fit yet, fit this week!! So, I am doing okay, even though my emotions have been a little out of whack.

It's been a while since I blogged, since this week was filled with report cards at school. I know everyone has been telling me that I need to update my blog, so it's nice to know how many people read it! :)

I have stepped up my exercise this week, and I went walking three times. I want to eventually work up to 5 days a week, but I feel good that I at least went those days. I think that the exercise is what's helping me lose weight more steadily again.

Food-wise, I did okay this week. I had a realization on Wednesday, that I was adding too many carbs into my diet that I didn't need to be eating. I had been having cream cheese which was light and I thought was okay because it was cheese. I checked my foods to eat list, and realized then that cream cheese was actually on the foods to avoid list. I had tolerated it really well, so I thought it was okay to continue eating it. But, I realized that it doesn't have a lot of protein, so basically the nutritional value isn't worth it. I had also bought some pita chips, which I had been having as a little crunch with some of my meals, but those probably aren't the best either, since they have more carbs. That has been the struggle I've had this week, and of course since I'm a worrier and a perfectionist, I started thinking that those things were the cause of me not losing as much weight. It may have been the cause, but I'll never really know, since I had other factors interfering too.

Since my meal at Ruby Tuesday last week, I have had Wendy's chili, and chicken and broccoli and shrimp and broccoli. With all three foods, I had many servings of each since I'm only eating a 1/4 cup at a time. Some of the times I ate the food it went down well, and other times I think I didn't chew well enough or ate too fast. I really am just looking for some variety in my foods, but I think I'm introducing some newer foods before I'm ready for them. My plan going forward is to rethink the foods I'm having this week, and go for foods that have less carbs and more protein. I'm going to try to stay away from "out to eat" foods, since I don't know exactly how they're prepared, and I can just try to make foods that I'm craving here at home, so I have more control of what's going into them. I have conferences this week, but I need to make time to cook food at home, even if I'm tired. The main problem I've been having is that since I feel "normal" again, and I'm not having any pain, I'm finding myself back in food situations that I had before surgery. Except then I realize, hello, my stomach holds 1/4 cup and I can't eat like I did before or I'll have problems.

I saw my endocrinologist at Duke this week, and it was a great visit! I love when you go to the doctor and they tell you they're proud of everything you're doing. I am now going completely off my blood pressure medicine. I had reduced my pills to only one a day post surgery, and since my blood pressure was 119/69 at the office, she decided to take me off it overall. I took my blood pressure last night and it was 106/59!!! That's the lowest it's been in a long time, and without the medicine, that makes it even better.

Well, after our busy weekend last week, today we're going to catch up on shows, I'll work on some orders, and just have a lazy Saturday. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Out to Dinner

So, I forgot to mention one thing in my other blog--my first dinner out last night post surgery! I really wanted to "go out" and get something to eat. We decided on Ruby Tuesdays, so Chris could get the salad bar, and I would get the Ruby Minis--little tiny burgers. The only hard part was that since Chris had the salad bar right away and I had to wait for my food, we both ended up watching the other person eat. I think next time I'd like for him to wait until I get my food, and then we can eat together. When the burgers arrived, I removed the buns, and just had the meat. I ended up eating about half of each one, about the equivalent of 3 oz. of meat. I kept picking and choosing the bites that had the best cheese. :) While I was eating those, I also had about 5 or 6 fries. They were like the thinness of McDonald's fries. The server seemed a little surprised that I didn't order a drink, and when she came by that I had eaten so little, but she didn't say anything about it.

I chewed very well, and really focused on taking my time and listening to my body, so I wouldn't feel sick. Eventually I stopped eating. I wasn't ever full, but I was so afraid to push it that I stopped anyway.

I'm so glad my first experience out was a good one, and of course we loved the fact that our dinner was around $15.00! :)

Busy, busy

Well, it's been about a week since I last blogged. This week at school has been so busy, and really nothing major has happened, so I didn't feel the need to write. But, now that it's the weekend, and I have a little more time so I thought I'd update everyone!

I am down 28.4 pounds. One exciting thing that happened this week is that my cycle is regulated! I had gotten a period in the hospital, as I mentioned in previous blogs, but the true test would be--Will it happen again? (Chris wants me to be quick about this topic, I presume for all you guys out there, so I will try to be to the point ;) Well, it did. This is very exciting, because of course, this is one of the main reasons I had the surgery--to be able to get pregnant someday. I had thought maybe 6 months down the road I'd resume to a normal cycle, but to see it happening so soon is very promising. Ok...I'm done on that topic. :)

School has been good, but so busy. I have report cards next week, and so while I normally like to start on them 2 weeks ahead of time, so I can do a few each day, last week was filled with planning, and catching up on all of the things I missed from the week before. So, now I'll have to work on them at home this weekend. I'm going to try to get about half done tomorrow, and then work on the rest after school this week. I try to stay later at school and get everything done so I don't have to bring anything home, but sometimes that's unavoidable. I have been a little tired, but honestly not more than normal. The food thing at work has been working pretty well. Except for one day at lunch when I think I didn't chew well enough, things have been smooth. I keep setting my alarms to make sure I take my pills, and drink and stop drinking at the correct times. All in all, I am glad to be back. I'm still journaling what I eat, and I'm also entering it into a weight loss calculator on my iphone. In that app, it also calculates my calories, fat, protein, etc. and I can add my exercise and weight daily. Both of those things have kept me on track.

I am a little worried about two things. One--I'm not sure I'm getting enough liquids. I am calculating that I'm on the low end of the 48-64 ounces they want me to consume in a day. I have a bottle of water with me at all times, but I think it's just harder to stop and sip, when I'm teaching a lesson. I carry it with me all throughout the room, but I still don't feel at the end of the day that I've had enough. One cause for concern about this would be kidney stones. Since I've had two in the past, I definitely don't want that to happen again. So, I will keep doing my best to get lots of liquids down. I've started using my water bottles again, that have measurements on the side, so I can count the ounces daily.

The other is--exercise. Since my bad jogging experience last Sunday, I have not done any exercise. For Monday, I had already decided not to do anything to give my body a rest. But there is no real GOOD excuse for not doing it the rest of the week. My BAD excuses are--it was raining, I forgot my shoes for the gym, I was so tired from work, Chris was at the game on Tues and Wed and I didn't want to go alone.........i know......waaaaaahhh. So...no excuses...I'm going to come up with an exercise plan for this week, and I'm sticking to it. I've seen my weight loss slow a little from a week or so ago, and this could be because of my cycle, or because I need to step it up in the exercise area, so I see more results.

Well, I didn't think I had that much to write about, but once I get going it pours out of me. Have a great night everyone! :)

Back to School

This is my first post surgery picture--25.2 pounds down. I have a funny smile, because a little boy was telling us to say cheese, and I think I was caught on the "eeee" part. ;) But, all in all, a good pic of us.

Today was back to school in full swing. It felt good to be back in the saddle again. Ahh...kids calling out, slumping in their chairs, talking when they shouldn't be..nothing's changed. :) That did all happen today, but it wasn't that bad. I have a pretty good class, although when those things happened they did flip their card, and I moved some desks, so I nipped that right in the bud.

I was sore today because of a mistake I made last night. Chris and I talked about starting the Couch to 5K program, and we began the routine last night. It calls for a 5 minute brisk walk to warm up, and then for 20-30 minutes you alternate 60 seconds of jogging, and 90 seconds of walking, and end with a cool down, for the first week. Well, after the first round of jogging, my stomach started hurting. I wasn't sure if it was just because I was full, or not. So, I tried jogging a few more times after that, but usually only for about 20 or 30 seconds, trying to push through the pain. But you see, that is STUPID...beacause I just had surgery 3 weeks ago!! After we got home, I was sore in the stomach, and we googled jogging after surgery, and it said to wait at least 6 weeks. Oops. Well, I've learned my lesson after feeling a little sore all day today too. I will be sticking to my fast walking for a while.

Food-wise, I also made a mistake at lunch today. Before surgery, I was so used to drinking a lot of water with my lunch. Today, out of habit, I got my water bottle, and drank some while I was eating my turkey roll up. All of a sudden, I started feeling like something was stuck in my esophagus. I don't know if I gulped too much water, or I didn't chew my turkey well enough, but it lasted for about 5 minutes. Luckily it went away, but it was a little scary. I put my water back in the fridge, and concentrated on eating really slowly after that. Since we only have 30 minutes for lunch, and I eat with my 4th grade team, normally food is the second thing we're just doing while we talk. I'll need to focus a little more on food now, until it becomes routine.

I got some decaf pumpkin spice coffee from Fresh Market, which is delicious!! I had a couple of starbucks gift cards, so I ordered some more 8 oz. travel mugs online, and that is the perfect amount of coffee to drink in the morning. I have to wait until I get to school to drink it, but it was still a nice thing to have this morning. I LOVE fall. Pumpkin is one of my favorite scents, and as I'm typing this, the room is filled with the aroma of my two new candles from bath and body works-sweet cinnamon pumpkin, and cinnamon and cloves. Mmmmm, heavenly. (and Chris likes that the smell of pumpkin is an aphrodisiac, I'm sure ;)

Time to go to answer some emails. I am down 26.4 pounds today, and had a soft taco for dinner- 1/2 of a low carb tortilla, 3 oz. ground beef, 2 tbps. of cheddar cheese, and a tbsp of picante sauce. Yummy!!!

Down 25.2!

So, as you can see from my title, I am proud that my weight loss has still been steady, even though I've added food back in. Actually, Patrick said that eating these little amounts helps speed up our metabolism, and if we skip meals that would not be good for losing weight. :) Also, I've gotten into an exercise routine which involves 21 minutes of walking (recommeded for 3 weeks from surgery) and yoga every other day. I bought a beginners yoga DVD, and I tried it on Thursday. I figured it would help me tone, and also relieve stress, and it did both! I really felt my abs and other muscles responding, even for the 15 minutes I tried the beginning poses. I did it in the family room, with Spencer watching my every move. When I went into the sitting pose, he sat right next to me, and it was so cute. But I couldn't take a picture, since it was just the two of us. Chris had a game. :)

Right now I'm enjoying my lunch--a new creation I came up with last night and LOVED! I took 1.5 oz. of turkey breast deli meat (about 2 small slices) and layered a piece of red leaf lettuce, and a knifeful of cream cheese. I rolled it all up, and I'm dipping it into this awesome mustard that was recommended to me--Nance's Sharp and Creamy mustard. It tasted wonderful! The mustard really makes it, since it is like a dijon, with a tangy hint of sweetness. I wanted to have something that went down easily, because I got sick after breakfast again today. I had a hard boiled egg, and 1/2 patty of Morning Star sausage patties. They said we would probably tolerate this well, since it's vegetarian, and it's good since it has a ton of added protein. Well, I ate it slowly and chewed well, but I got the same feeling that I had with the scrambled eggs the other day. It must have been either too rich, or too much protein. I didn't throw up, and luckily the sick feeling passed in about 4 minutes, but it was enough for me to be careful with that from now on. :) Even though I hate feeling like I'm going to throw up, it is a good reminder that I need to be careful, and I can't get too cocky with what I eat. Next time I try the sausage, I'll just have that and nothing else, and see how it goes.

Yesterday was my first full day back at school and things went great. I'm so glad I went back Friday instead of Monday morning, because it helped me get through the day, and I brought some work home this weekend so I can be prepared for next week. It would have been hard to face a whole week of lessons, with the mountain of paperwork I had on my desk! Everyone has been so understanding and supportive at school--my principal, parents and students, and my co-workers. I am truly blessed. Everyone told me how great I look, and since I had told the parents, who I figured told the students, I told them briefly about it that morning. At 9 and 10, they are old enough to know some of it, and I thought it would help them help me to drink my liquids and be careful. (My class has always been great about reminding me about things, since I tell them that I always have a lot to think about and be accountable for...if only they could be as good with remembering their multiplication facts!! heeheehee) They had a lot of questions, but mainly about my hospital stay. Did I feel the surgery?, Was I awake during surgery?, How did they make it so I wouldn't move during surgery?, Did I have to wake up during the middle of the night every 15 minutes to drink my liquids?...stuff like that. They were very respectful, and just curious, so I didn't have any problems answering their questions. I just wanted to make sure I didn't scare them. :)

It was a little hard to keep track of everything yesterday, which is to be expected when I've just started this food routine, and putting it with my work schedule has actually been better than I thought. I am eating every three hours- 6 a.m., 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9pm. I got up a little earlier so I'd have time to eat at 6, then 9 falls during my planning, 12 is my regular lunch time, and 3 is of course after school. The only little problem I had is that during my planning we met with another teacher, and I ate about 4 tiny squares of cheese, and I was full. I think I must have eaten them too fast, and I didn't feel sick, but I just couldn't eat any more. So, I'll need to be careful, since we have meetings a lot during planning. Even though I thought I would never touch another shake again, I may take a few shakes to school to sip during my planning time when I have a meeting, or just skip that meal. They want us to have 4-6 small meals, to get in enough nutrients and vitamins, so if I only have 5 one day, that wouldn't kill me. The emotionally hard thing with being at school, is that there is always food all around! I still had some snacks in my desk, which weren't terrible, but probably have more sugar in them than I can have now. Also, just about every day I am offered a cupcake or cookie from some student on our hall who is having a birthday. Normally I declined those anyway, since store bought cupcakes have too much frosting for me, but I can see myself wanting to have them now, since I know I can't. So for now, I'll just have to stick to my routine and blog about those times when I'm feeling deprived, to help me get through it.

This morning, I talked with my mom for an hour, and my sister for a half hour. I love those long conversations where you get caught up on everything going on, and they're not rushed because you have something else to do. :) Chris and I are going to the NC State game tonight--he got tickets for the suite through work, and a parking pass, so we'll be going in style. I can't wait to wear my new red top from Old Navy, and all of my cute NC State jewelry. I hope there isn't any food in the suite. I've debated on what to do, since during the time we're there, I will need to get a meal in. Duke Hospital gave us a little card that we can give to restaurants, telling we had the surgery, and asking them to make any changes in preparation of the food that we need or request that we can order things off the kid's menu. If I had brought a little cooler, I could show them that card as I went in, and maybe it would be okay. But if not, I'd hate to have to take it all back to the car. So, I've decided to buy a bottle of water there, and bring a small bag of multi-grain pretzels, some of which I had last night and were very tasty, and put them in the bottom of my purse. They shouldn't see it in there, and then at least I'll have something I can snack on, if it's hard to watch everyone else eat. Going to games and eating game-type food, was always so fun before, so it will be a switch now to actually focus on the game. ;) Well, when you're there, I usually focus on the game anyways, which is different than when you're home because there's always other things to be doing.

Well, that was a lot for today, but I just wanted to update you about yesterday and today. I assume as things become less new, I will probably blog less too. Take care and enjoy your weekend!

gotta be 'eggs'tra careful ;)

Okay, so this morning I almost threw up. I made myself 1 scrambled egg with a tablespoon of shredded cheese. I added a little milk for extra protein. So far I've tolerated milk and cheese fine, so I thought it was okay to combine them all, since if I had a problem I would know it was the eggs. I was watching Saved by the Bell (the episode where Jessie takes the caffeine pills :) and thought I was doing fine. I was taking tiny bites and chewing very well. All of a sudden, I start to feel full fast. I had only taken maybe 6 tiny bites, and I started getting that hot spit in my mouth. So, I went to the bathroom, and stood over the toilet, but never did throw up. I stood there for about 3 minutes, nothing happened, and eventually the feeling passed, so I went back to sitting down. I didn't finish the eggs, and I waited a little longer to have my next meal.

Well...I really don't know what the problem was. As Chris (in a lecturing voice) reminded me, 90% of the time that you struggle with introducing a food, it's not the food, but the way you ate it. So, it could be that I ate it too fast, didn't chew it well enough, or made it too rich by adding the cheese and milk. So, I will probably try eggs again this weekend, and this time try them in an egg salad or hard boiled, to see if that makes a difference.

I was really relieved that this didn't happen tomorrow morning, since I would have felt sick right before going back to school. So, tomorrow I'm planning a menu all of foods I've eaten so far and had no trouble with, so hopefully that won't happen again.

Lindsey asked about pictures--yes I have been documenting the weight loss. I took a picture the night before my surgery, and then in the same outfit two weeks later. They recommended taking it in a door frame, so you can use that as a frame of reference in future pictures. We could tell a few differences, but not really anything major. Even in this last week I've noticed a difference in my clothes and in the mirror, so when I take it next week, I will probably be able to see a change from pre-surgery. I will post the pictures on here eventually. I've been having trouble with uploading pictures onto my computer.

Today I got a hair cut, and did a little shopping at the mall. I want to grow my hair out a little bit, so I took a picture of Kelly Clarkson's longer bob in, and she styled my hair just like it, only a little shorter. It has a slight angle towards my face, and some layers. Hopefully I can style it like this tomorrow! :)

Chris and I are going to the State game this weekend, so I'm excited about that. I have a cute new red top from Old Navy that I'm going to wear, with all of my other State stuff. I'll get someone to take a picture, and I can post it on here over the weekend. I need to get a new picture on facebook anyway, but I like posting pics of Chris and I together.

Oh, and one more thing. I've started taking more vitamins since they recommend starting these at the three week point. Calcium was the only one I could find at Walmart--the other two sublingual B-12, and chewable iron, I had to order online. I tried the Viactiv chocolate chew for calcium, and it is truly yummy! I checked with Patrick, and he said those were okay and didn't have any added sugar. I take one with each meal, and it tastes almost like a tootsie roll. So, that's a nice treat at the end of my meals!

I'll write tomorrow after my long day at school. I miss my kiddies, so it will be good to go back. I finally dragged out my grading, and got most of it done today. :) Have a great night!

REAL food :)

Yesterday was my three week visit with the psychologist and nutritionist. In our group, we talked about our experiences post surgery. Most of us were at three weeks, but there were two at three months and one at six months. It was reassuring to hear that other people had some problems in the hospital too, so I didn't feel like I was the only one who had complications. Kelli talked with us about the importance of minimizing distractions while eating, so we can really focus on chewing well, taking 20-30 minutes to eat a small amount of food, etc. I'm going to spend some good time the next day or two, figuring out what times to eat these foods when I'm back at school so that I have time to eat it without a lot of distractions, and I have to space it out to eating every 3-4 hours. With being busy at school that is going to be a challenge, but I know I can do it.

With the nutritionist, Patrick, he talked to us about how to introduce food back into our diet. He gave us the list of foods that we can start with in the next three weeks, and I was pleasantly surprised that there was a variety. Protein-wise, I should start with flaky fish, shrimp, crab, and scallops. Seafood is the best tolerated after surgery. Then I can move onto eggs, lean ground beef and pork, and then ground poultry. Cheeses are a good source of protein too, and I can have most kinds that are soft or shredded. They're supposed to be no more than 2% milk fat. I can also have some low carb items like oatmeal, cream of wheat, whole grain crackers, soft fruit with no skin, applesauce, cooked veggies, etc. I will basically be eating 1/4 cup to a 1/2 cup at each meal, and consuming about 800 calories a day and 40-60 grams of protein. I can't drink 30 minutes before to 30 minutes after my meal.

Okay, so here's how it's going. Yesterday, on the way home from the group session, Chris and I went to Food Lion to get some of these groceries. Around 5:30, I started with cottage cheese for my first meal. I put 1/4 cup on a small plate, and put a little salt and pepper on top. I spent about a half hour eating that cottage cheese, sitting alone at the dining room table while Chris went to go pick up Spencer, trying to chew it as best as I could. One thing that was a little scary is that as soon as I felt full, I had to stop eating. They told us at the seminar, that even a half a bite past feeling full could result in us throwing up. I HATE to throw up, so I really wanted to listen to my body and make sure I was feeling full after each bite. One weird thing now about being full, is that I don't feel it in my lower stomach. I actually feel full right under my breast bone, and it just feels like pressure is being applied there. So, with two bites left, I felt full, and I put the rest back in the container, and went on my merry way. Around 8:30, I had my second meal. I tried some imitation crab meat. I chewed that really well, and again, for measuring about 1/4 cup, I left about two bites on the plate. This time I did eat while watching TV, but I was very mindful about chewing well, and putting my fork down between bites. Both of these meals went really well, and I did not feel queasy or sick. I have to introduce foods back one at a time, so I can identify which things work well for me, and which I need to try again at another time. 90% of foods that might not work for me now, could work again later, so you just have to do a trial and error on each thing.

This morning, I had my breakfast at 8:30. I made some cream of wheat, with cinnamon and sweet and low on top, and ate 1/4 cup. This time I was able to finish the whole thing, and I'm wondering if that is the case because it is a carb, and a little less filling than protein. I did add milk when I made it, and dried milk to add more protein to the dish. The only set back to eating for 25 minutes, is that it is cold by the end, but I guess in the future I can re-warm it back up. The pouch made two servings, so I can put the rest in the fridge and have it tomorrow. My little pampered chef covered prep bowls are perfect for measuring out foods, since there are measurements on the side of them, and they're pretty small and come with lids, so I can stick them in the fridge. I'm also going to buy today some more snack size baggies and small tupperware containers, so I don't put such a tiny amount of food in a large container, and have to end up scraping it all from the sides the whole time. :) Half of this battle is going to be mind over matter.

Yesterday as we came home from the seminar, I felt very overwhelmed and I had to take a Xanax. I just really want to do this well and have it work! This is the perfectionist part of me--I want to do it perfectly, so I don't feel sick or have to throw up. I'm sure as I relax about this more, I'll be fine, but for right now all I can do to help my feelings of anxiety is to plan, plan, plan, and also get involved in things that can take my mind off it. I need to exercise today and they gave us some guidelines for what to do, so that will help, and I also have some orders to work on as well.

I got on the scale this morning, and I've only lost .2 since Sunday, so that was a little discouraging, but I know that it's not going to be a pound a day anymore. I know I'm doing the right things, and I think adding consistent daily exercise to the routine will definitely help. I wore one of my new shirts with a skirt yesterday, and I felt fabulous, so I know I will see it in my clothes and not always on the scale.

Well, that was a long post, but I thought it would be good to document everything new about this next stage. :) Have a great Wednesday!

MUCH better today

Today it has rained ALL day. Chris and I kept looking for a break in the clouds to be able to take a walk on the beach, but nothing. However, I feel much better today about everything, than I did yesterday. :) Here's how we spent the day. I woke up around 9:30, and just laid in bed listening to the rain. Around 10:00 I got up, and went upstairs to make coffee and a waffle for Chris. He came up too, and enjoyed his breakfast. It wasn't hard making that for him, since I do like to cook, and I guess it helps that waffles aren't my favorite breakfast food either. ;) After that, I designed some new recipe cards, and typed up some recipes from a website I found of post weight loss surgery recipes. Chris and I played a two and a half hour game of Chess, which he won. I got cleaned up and then painted my toenails and nails a bright NC State red, while watching soaps. Chris loved to comment on how even though one of the characters had been in a car wreck, her make-up was still perfect. I told him, "Honey, that's soaps!". :)

Since about 5:00, Chris and I have been watching Cake Boss on TLC and Chopped on Food Network. It was just a nice lazy day. Even though it's a bummer that it rained our only full day at the beach, it was nice to relax.

Tomorrow, we will leave in the morning and my appointment at Duke is at 1:30. I found the area on the Duke website, where it tells what I will be able to eat after tomorrow's phase change. I'm very pleased that it is a nice variety, so I definitely can get through the next 8 weeks on these foods, and get creative with cooking. I'm really glad to have a few days until I go back to school, to try some of these new foods and see how my pouch handles them. It's amazing to me how many different variations of the phase diets you can find for post surgery. Some diets have people eating pureed foods within the first 3 weeks, and some have full solid foods so much sooner than three months. But I already told myself that Duke is a very well respected program, and I will follow the phases that they recommend and not take it into my own hands. I've had no problems with the protein shakes or liquids so far--no nausea or vomiting, which I'm very glad for. Hopefully introducing soft foods will be as successful.

Thanks for all of the supportive emails and comments. I really appreciate everyone's support through the good and the bad. :) I am very blessed.

...in the depths of despair...

Writing that title did put a little smile on my face, but basically I feel down in the dumps right now. (Anne Shirley says that line in Anne of Green Gables) I debated whether to blog, since normally I'm cheery and happy, but if I didn't blog when I'm feeling down too, then all of my other blogs would seem less real.

Chris and I are the beach right now, which would seem would make me really happy, but the problem is, I've been obsessing about food. It's been something I've been feeling anxiety about for the past few days. Even as I'm typing, Chris is getting the grill ready, so he can make himself a steak. The smell of charcoal burning, brings up so many food memories--being in Wisconsin where my dad would make fantastic steaks or my grandpa made chicken on the spit. Usually the beach means food--Max's pizza, Andy's cheesesteaks, fudge, burgers and fries from the pier, ice cream at putt-putt...etc. Vacations have always been a time where if you're dieting, you sort of "take a break" from it all, and just enjoy yourself. That's all fine and dandy normally, but I can't do that this time. (And even though I'm talking and thinking so much about food, I know I'm not going to eat something and mess my system up)

As I blogged about yesterday, I've been missing cooking, so I've tried to spend my time looking for recipes that I can make later on. The problem is, after this appointment on Tuesday, it's not like I'll just be able to grill some shrimp, or make a chicken fiesta salad. I'll basically be eating eggs, yogurt, pudding, cream soups, very cooked vegetables, tuna salad...things like that. Well there aren't too many recipes out there for those items. Even as I've searched for recipes from weight loss surgery websites, there is not much help for the "soft foods/pureed" stage.

Part of me thinks these feelings are also coming from feeling bored. Usually track out is a time where I am busy every day, sometimes we take a trip, so the whole time is spent doing worthwhile things or planning for those things. Since I haven't felt up to it recently, and I'm still not at the energy point I used to be, I haven't been able to do more. So, I think part of my problem with obsessing about food is that I'm bored too. I'm tired of reading, watching movies, searching on the internet for weight loss surgery sites, and taking it easy. I'm tired of watching the clock every 15 minutes to see if it's time to drink again. I'm just tired of it all.

Ok, so now to try and take the positive spin, just so I don't go crazy. :/ I have lost 21.2 pounds in a little over TWO WEEKS!! I can see a difference, and people are noticing a difference. I have bought clothes in a smaller size. I am taking steps toward a healthier life, and getting pregnant. I only have 2 more days of the liquid diet. I will be going back to school soon, and I'm ready for it. The scale will continue to go down. I will continue to be able to buy smaller clothes. And most importantly, I will be taking a focus off food in my life, and putting it on other, more important things.

Well, I guess I feel a little better writing about it. Poor Chris. I've been pretty moody the past few days, and I think it's because these things keep getting to me. I'm going to try and think of other things to keep us occupied at the beach--going on the beach, playing putt-putt, walking on the pier, going shopping, playing chess or Scrabble, and hopefully get my mind off of food. I thought that preparing for eating the next phase would help, but that has just made me think about food more, and what I can't have. It's hard to deny yourself. In our time now, we live in a society that if we want something, we get it. So, I need to focus on the positive, and hopefully that will get me through the next two days.

I'm sure I'll have these feelings again as I move through the next stage of eating, so it will help to look back over this blog. Thanks for reading, during the good and the bad. :)

Feelin' Good

Today was a day as close to normal as I've had in what seems like a long time. I am finally sleeping in bed, which is nice. I've had to put a pillow under my left side, and one under my right, which I've found minimizes moving around so much at night. You should see our bed...we literally have 8 pillows! When I told Chris what I was doing with the pillows, he said, "welcome to the world of the hotdog!". His family and I have joked with him about this for years. Chris loves to be rolled up like a hotdog in bed. This is one of the reasons that I still sleep with my peach blankie--which is really a comforter that I had on my bed when I was in Kindergarten. It is sooooooo soft. I've tried to be a normal "grown up" and sleep with just a regular comforter...but then we get into the whole "hotdog" problem, and I end up with no covers. So...the peach blankie will stay until I can unroll Chris from his habit. (that was a lot of info. about our bed...I digress)

So, back to the normal day. We woke up around 9:00 on our own. Came downstairs, and I decided I was going to have some decaf coffee as my water-type liquid this morning. Well, the only problem with that is sometimes I get heartburn/queasy from coffee, if I have no food in my stomach. And I CAN'T EAT...so that was a small problem. I think I'll enjoy coffee again when I can start having some solid foods...only 3 MORE DAYS! I really had an itch to cook this week. Since I can't really cook, I've been looking through my cookbooks, and flagging meals that are high in protein and low in fat that I can try to make when I'm able to eat regular foods again. So, I decided to make dinner for Suzi and Billy, our friends who just had a baby. It was fun, and I made a casserole that we haven't had in a while although I realized through making it that I couldn't sample it, or even test the noodles to see if they were done! I hope it tasted okay. :) I also made some blue, white chocolate baby carriage lollipops. Normally when I make things like that, if I would get chocolate on my finger I would lick it off. I went to do that once, and I was like-Oops--can't do that! It's a little weird to get used to these changes.

After I visited them, I did a little shopping, came home, did some laundry so I can pack for the beach (we're leaving tomorrow) and tidied up our bedroom. Just moving around and doing chores without having to sit down, was great. I was diligent about my protein and liquids, so I didn't feel too full or de-hydrated. Tonight I hung out at Kelly's house with her, David and the boys, and had a great visit. Chris has a game, so I was by myself. Now, I'm just sitting downstairs in the recliner, typing, and watching Grease. It's always funny to me when I watch movies on TV with commercials, when I have the DVD, and I could just pop that in. ;) But, Chris got a new DVD player for down here, and I don't know how it works yet, and I feel too lazy to figure it out. Plus, it is almost like a little surprise to see a movie in the guide that you like! I can't WAIT until the fall shows start back again.

This morning I was down 20.6 pounds. As I go down each ten, it is a nice feeling to know that I'll never be that weight again. So, even though I complain about the liquids and not being completely back to normal, at least I am assured that this "diet/lifestyle change" will actually work! :)

(I have to laugh. I haven't watched Grease in surround sound in a long time...and it's on the last part of the movie during "We Go Together"--in the speaker near where I'm sitting, there are some funny background sounds of the song--a male high pitched voice is singing a rama lama ding dong, and it is just funny to listen to by itself, almost like a solo. heehee :)

Alright, well that's all that's new for now. I can't wait until Tuesday after my diet advancement class, so I can actually make some food again! I bought a food processor today so I will be able to puree and chop foods into smaller pieces. I know I will still be consuming small portions, but it will just be nice to get some variety in my diet, and be able to chew again.

I'll post more after my appointment on Tuesday. I hope everyone enjoys the long weekend!