8 Days away...

I started feeling some anxiety today. I assume it is surgery related, but who knows. It's so hard when I feel anxiety coming on, because I get a tightness in my chest, and I never know what it's truly coming from. I always try to rationalize what is happening, and that of course doesn't help...but probably makes it worse. School is always a stresser in the background, but now I think it's probably the surgery. I haven't had an anxiety attack per se since February or so. Even with the stress of the beginning of the school year, everything has gone smoothly so far.

I calm myself with thoughts of the surgery by thinking of the positive outcomes. I think hearing about some of the specific things I will be going through afterwards at pre-op yesterday--like the drainage tube, specifics about the pre and post diets, thinking about incisions in my stomach, and the possibilities of complications, it gets me a little worried.

I guess when I thoughts about the pain associated with surgery enter my mind, I can always think about my brother Nick, who has been through 30+ surgeries in his 28 years. I've been through many of his surgeries with him, and even stayed with him in the hospital. If he can get through that many...some involving an open wound, many stitches, and long recoveries...I can certainly get through this procedure.

I will pray for strength to get through these uncertain times before, during and after things happen. I will certainly be dealing with a lot in the next year.