I heart carbs :)

Since I'm at the beach this morning, I can't weigh. From Friday, I was about 49 pounds down, so I may have hit the big 50 now. :) I guess I'll find out tomorrow morning. I've felt really good about my weight loss this week, despite the fact that things have slowed down a little. When I think about it, it's AMAZING that I have lost almost 50 pounds in 2 months!!! When I did this with Weight Watchers, it took a year for me to lose that. I am wearing the smallest size clothes that I've had in my closet since I lost the weight with WW, so it's going to be time to go shopping soon. I've had some strange things going on with my cycle this week, which I won't go into detail about, but it indicates that things are working, and maybe that's why my weight loss has been slower these past two weeks.

Carbs have been challenging for me this past week. As I put my foods into my Lose It app on my phone I've noticed that my protein, although within the recommended range, has been less than my carb intake. When I see the nutritionist on November 15 I want to ask him about the amount of carbs I should be consuming. I know that carbs are in everything, even things that are high in protein, so I may be fine since I'm getting the correct amount of protein everyday. Duke hospital has been very specific about the amount of water and protein that I'm supposed to be taking, so I would think they would have told me about the amount of carbs I should be intaking too, if they thought a certain amount would be too much. Pre-surgery, carbs were a big part of my diet. The foods I miss the most right now are pasta and rice, which I haven't had any of yet. As I have slowly entered back into my diet the carbs that are allowed, I notice that I tend to gravitate towards those foods more. I'm just so sick of meat and cheese. Chris and I talked about this on the way down to the beach, and he said I should go to the grocery store and go on a "new protein food" mission, to get some variety. I think that's a good idea. I had to throw out a bunch of meat and seafood from our freezer, when I had accidentally left the door cracked all night and it had all thawed. Therefore, the variety of meats in the house this past week has been limited, since I can't pull something out of the freezer. When I admitted that I feel I've been eating too many carbs, Chris said that it's good that I'm recognizing it and trying to change it. Honestly, carbs go down easier on my stomach than protein. I don't have to chew them as long, and since protein makes you fuller faster (which is why the doctor wants you to eat it first) I have to be more careful about eating my protein than I do just straight carbs. Since I'm still not hungry, the biggest thing I have been watching is not falling back into old habits of snacking when I get home. In the past, I would eat out of boredom, while watching TV in the afternoon after school. I've found myself thinking about doing that...getting some crackers and cheese, or Baked Lays, but then I stop myself and think that the next time I'm "supposed" to eat is dinner time. I've been proud of myself that I've been able to control that I don't do that, where in the past I wasn't able to do that. That's where the doctor's advice rings so true--Surgery is a tool to help you get to your goal weight, but you also have to committ to eating more healthy and exercising too, because the surgery isn't a cure all by itself.

With exercising, I went 3 times last week. Since Chris was sick at the beginning of the week, he didn't want to get up and go early, so I was going to try to go after school by myself. I didn't go Monday, but I did go Tuesday afternoon. Spencer and I got caught in the rain, which was actually kind of fun. :) Wednesday morning, we were going to go, but we were both just too tired, and I didn't go that afternoon. Erica and Nick came over Wednesday night for dinner, and I just didn't have enough time to go for my walk, with everything I had to do after school. Thursday and Friday I committed to getting up early, and we did go both days. I think in a week's time, 3 times will be my minimum and I'm hoping for 5 times in a week. I'm proud of myself for getting up Thursday and Friday again. Chris had really been fighting me, but of course once I turned on the bright lights in the bedroom, he got up too. I'm so glad he's doing it with me, because as I noticed when he was sick, it was SUPER hard for me to want to do it on my own. I really hope as exercise becomes a permanent part of my routine, I'll become one of those people who just HAS to go. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm praying it will. :)

(It's so funny that when I sit down to write a blog, I don't think I'll have much to say, but then things just start pouring out of me.)

Going out to eat is really not even something I care to do anymore. Chris called me on Tuesday night and said, "Hey...let's go out to eat tonight." In the past, I would have been glad about that, and immediately thought about where I wanted to go. Places like Chili's, Ragazzi's, California Pizza Kitchen, Mexican, and Chinese were regulars of ours, and when he suggested that this time, I honestly didn't care at all. We ended up going to Chili's, and took advantage of their 2 for $20 promotion. You get an appetizer, 2 entrees, and a dessert for $20. We did have a good time just talking and enjoying each other's company, but the food wasn't the main event for me anymore. I had about 4 chips with the skillet queso, 1 hamburger patty from my mini-burger bites (1/4 of a hamburger patty) with 4 fries, and a tiny bite of the brownie sundae. I felt fine after it all because I had chewed slowly, and made sure I stopped when I was full. I have been glad that I can have a tiny bite of some desserts now. I'm probably not "supposed" to have any, but honestly one bite has been just enough for me to taste it, and I haven't felt any symptoms of dumping syndrome or anything like that. When I tell people I had a tiny bite of a sweet, they seem surprised, and I sort of feel like I've been "bad". But, I'm just trying to be careful, and take things slowly as I enter those kinds of foods back into my diet.

Part of my personality is trying to be perfect, and the one thing I've never been able to do that with is my diet and exercise. It's really the only area that I haven't wanted to be perfect with, which is part of the reason I struggle with it so much. When I was growing up, I used to lie about what I ate, or hide things from others about my eating habits. As I've grown older, I've become more honest, but especially now after my surgery I feel like as I am honest about what I'm eating, I'm being judged by other people. I know that I am judgemental towards other people too, so I try not to be upset by this, but like anything in life, until you've experienced it yourself you can't truly understand what people are going through. I realize that since I've been open about my journey I get the good and the bad that comes with that. The good being that I have an awesome support system and I'm getting so many compliments, and the bad is that I feel like people are watching every little thing I eat and judging my habits. This perception is my reality now, so I just have to try my best, and not let my anxiety overcome me.

This trip to the beach this weekend, was much better than last time. When we came over labor day, 2 weeks after my surgery, it rained the whole time and I was on the liquid diet. This time, we've enjoyed spending time on the beach and time with Chris's family. We brought food with us, and did go out for seafood last night, but that was fine. I got broiled scallops, mashed potatoes and green beans, and I felt good after everything I ate. I really haven't felt sick at all last week, after I've eaten, so I think I'm finally figuring out the amounts I can have, that I need to eat slowly, and how to adjust if I start feeling queasy.

Well, I'm going to have to wrap this up, since I need to start packing to get home. Chris and I have to clean the house today for my staff party next Friday, and I have many orders to work on when I get home. I need to take my next round of pictures, so after I do that I'll post the before and after. :)